Beauty of Memories

Standing still and looking ahead to see emptiness..turning right and then life to find nothing but emptiness...a jerk in the air by past pushes you down and pulls you to it..MEMORIES!!

They dont fade, they dont disappear...they are there always..pulling you..swirling you to the moments which you once enjoyed, felt, laughed and you were happy!! Looking at them looking at yourself there is a faint smile and a sinking feeling of missing, of knowing the limiting nature of their reappearance..Memories makes you happy makes you sad!! Memories are here to stay in your heart in your life in your mind..

Reason for us to move ahead at times, reason for us to halt at times, reasons for us to be hopeful at times!! Living in memories can be dangerous and helpful depending on you!!

Dont lock them, dont look at them daily, dont hide them, keep them safe in a corner for few moments of smile when needed...dont throw them away..Cherish..

Dont let it be a reason for a jerk to pull you away in Emptiness..let them be the reason for the next step ahead..

Pamper yourself for few moments of joy to create more memories ahead!!

Beauty of memories are they are limitless, keep on creating and storing!!

Dont live in memories..let the memories live with in you..

In Hindsight...

I look back at the day when i decided,..did i realize that after eight months i would still be looking back at the day when i decided..
That point in time it seemed the best thing to do but never i realized that after effects will prolong for so many days to come..so what exactly is a decision supposed to deliver!!
Lets look at it from this point of view..at certain point in time you are at a juncture where you no longer want to be and you jump out of it at the moment you see the first cushion available..so a decision is basically an escape from reality to find a new reality..only to find out that the jump did not land you in a soft cushion in your new life but again at a juncture where you are waiting for a decision to make..
For me right now in my life i am looking ahead for a new reality living in current phase with constant motions from the past reality..so i am chained from all possible angles and it is all in my mind..
i am living in three different kinds of life n the struggle to keep up with all three is tiresome..
coming back to the point that whether or not should i have had taken the initial decision but even today when i look back i very well know why i chose to find an escape so why do we always look back..the simple reason is that a part of you is still left there...

So a decision is essentially not complete if you dont jump to the new boat with all your gears..
in my case i am going to jump from both these boats together to a complete new boat and finding, creating a new reality!! Howsoever easy it seems, it aint bcoz the decision to be where i am currently is selfish because of people and comfort..

But one thing has happened in my favor..being in such a situation i have realised what i have to leave behind and what i have to carry forward..now i know what i want from my new reality and i will jump only when i can collect all my gears n move ahead without looking back till then enjoy this passing phase..this reality..with this struggle..because every struggle opens space for a new chapter to fit in!! :)

Choice is Mine

Either i have let go or i am just waiting!! something which is supposed to happen to everyone as they say but a necessary evil but how why and when is the Q? what if it is not meant to be? Wont the life be same or will the people change or will i? it cant be the simple reason saying "yeh toh hona hi hai". My perspective is "kyu Hona jaruri  hai" what if i am nt supposed to get married at all! (  Yes i have been talking about marriage) What if god has not made me in a pair, what if that someone doesnt no longer exist and hence i will live this life alone with him in my mind. Even when i am saying all this there is a vague image in my head and mind, the image which has not been able to leave me since ages. But will i keep on waiting for that image to materialize or will i come to live with it.
The only reason i am writing is for the sheer fact that the CHOICE IS MINE whether i decide to wait in agony and pain or live with the image and let it happen if its destined to. I dont want to keep things for tomorrow saying after marriage, i dont want to screw my happiness saying i am 28 and single, i dont want to say that marriage is the next step and till then life is dull, i dont want to say i am lonely howsoever i feel.
Yes its my choice, and i decide to make my life beautiful and live it to the fullest such that when or if it happens, it can just be a part of my beautiful journey. My life is not dependent to such Necessary evil rather if my life is beautiful and full then marriage will be all the more beautiful.I do desire to and wish to find the other hook of my life but its not where my life is edged on rather the hook will get attached to my journey than uprooting it. The choice has been made.
Like i just read it somewhere "i exist because i imagine i do" and for me "i am happy because i chose to".

Birthday Failure

Here i write today in pretext to 2 days before my very own BIRTHDAY!!

Howsoever strange this sound but Birthdays do come with a melancholic feeling and there are many reasons. As people read this they might be thinking of 'age' as a factor but that is the last attribute which leads to sadness and the degree of effect is not much. So what exactly are the things which might create sadness around a birthday.

Get a chance to speak to someone whose birthday is nearing and what it actually feels( well yeah here i am so you can check with me in details) The primary reason for a birthday failure - yes thats what i call it, is because of a live match between expectation vs. reality. Every person has this inner desire to feel special and wants presence of few people who matter to be around. But as we all know everyone is busy and some forget while others cant take out time. The worst is having a birthday on a weekday to say it all, what can a person do but to attend office however, on the contrary its a relief to few because if its a holiday and there are hardly few to celebrate with then its a heart break. (mine is on a weekday so i have my share of grief)

To add to all this, there is this new fad of celebrating birthday at 12 and every year i face this dilemma of who should be planning all this? Should it be your friends that they should plan to make your birthday special or should you be the one calling all your friends in order to make your day a good one if not best. I will reiterate its the game of expectation vs reality. There is so much hullla about birthday been rocking and exciting, showered with gifts but every birthday cant be exciting or filled with surprises.

Talking about gifts, i have made it a point neither to give gifts or expect them, believes me save a lot of trouble. Otheriwse, thats one more grey area, people would ask what did u get or if not that then there is this thing called thinking about i gave him or her that, what will they give me. Uufff!! why such worries for a simple thing called Birthday!

And why again there should be so much hype about celebrating a birthday, cant it be celebrated normally then what will you tell others how was your birthday. Oh! it was normal. I am sure this post wont fit in with people who are in a relationship or married because they have someone else who will be worrying about it. So its a failure for them in a way!! :):)

I am sure this birthday phenomenon was advertised and hyped by archies of the world and now this is like an event you cant run away from. Its been absorbed by such an extent that you can never stop expecting.

Lastly, what if your birthday comes with bitter memories of past  (of an old flame who did make it special) OOuchh!!! is the word for it. With all the tensions in the air, this one add like a cherry on top of the cake.

In the end, i would like to state that there is your loving family who is always ready to shower you with love and gifts so i chose to celebrate half of my day with family always if i can. For all those, who dont face or agree with above then you are lucky or just dont think so much. Good for you!

Whosoever is reading and have their birthday in near future then wishing them a great day with fun.

(See here we go again..Sigh!)